Alive

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I actually spent the afternoon collaborating on a new song, something I have done very little of since January last year. And for the first time ever, I sat face to face with my co-writer in person! That might feel like a funny thing to say considering I’ve already co-written my debut album ‘Already Here’ but given that was done communicating entirely via email, it was a new and slightly vulnerable experience for us to be in the same room!

Last time, I could click ‘send’ on my laptop, knowing that I didn’t really have to see any reaction to my lyrics or face being ‘wrong’ about my musical ideas. It was comfortable and, as I discovered, the perfect way to overcome my nerves at baring my soul in words. I hadn’t any idea how to write a good song back then. I just knew what my heart wanted to share and hoped that my ideas would form into something enjoyable and catchy for the listener. And with help, they did. And I’m proud of those songs.

But I’ve known for a while that it was time to birth new music with new people, and so, as I sat there with my lyric sheets in hand and a head full of ideas, I couldn’t help but remember the experiences that had brought me to this moment. It’s impossible to escape the journey when it’s reflected in what I once wrote and what I am now writing. I wish I was able to create from any perspective but it’s a rare thing to find myself expressing something I haven’t lived in some way. So as I write and sing, I get to know myself, and sometimes I haven’t a clue what I feel until it emerges.

That was also the case as our song took shape yesterday. I admit to being a little scared and hesitant, but as the piano began to play around my words, as we began to find a key and a tempo to suit the mood, I suddenly got it. I got that ‘Wow, I love doing this!’ feeling. And that was what I needed. I needed to be reminded of what it feels like to see and hear one of my songs come alive again… because that is what makes me feel most ALIVE! I adore music – listening to it, dancing to it, watching it – but singing something I feel deeply, that I want to say, is just indescribable. It’s exciting, it’s exhilarating and feels absolutely divine. Not that I didn’t know it before but it’s funny how I let life drown that out. And I honestly wouldn’t care if I never made money from my songs. Truly. It’s not the reason I began creating in the first place and definitely not the reason I’ve decided to do it again. If I can build on the career I already have, then great! It is, without doubt, part of the dream I have for myself and I will continue to believe in that. But what yesterday reminded me of was my passion for all things ‘song’ and that is worth all the money in the world in my book!

So, please DO those things. Whatever those things are that make you feel most alive! Even just a little for now if that’s all you can manage. But don’t let worry about not being the ‘best’ at something stop you from doing what makes you the happiest. I’m pretty sure the best is about being happiest, anyway. And the rest is what makes us all wonky!

With my love and best wishes for YOUR passionate life,

Anna