It’s been an intense few days, I must admit. I’ve not slept very well, because my body has been less than comfortable and the not sleeping has only added to my uncomfortableness. Throw in some nausea and well, you get the picture!
I’ve dealt with various physical challenges and illnesses through my life, and while I am well now, people often assume I must be ‘good at dealing with pain’. I would disagree. I am not good with it at all and quite frankly, don’t want to be. Because it’s not who I am.
However, I have realized that ‘fighting’ my body doesn’t work either. There are a million different ‘why’s’ and ‘how comes’ that I’ve asked myself over the years and the reasons may be apparent sometimes, but not always. When this is the case, whether it be a physical or emotional challenge, it can become easy to slip into ‘why me?’ but that doesn’t work either. That’s victim-hood and serves no one. That is saying ‘I am the pain. The pain is me.‘ The truth is, life happens and if I take a look around, I am humbly aware that each one of us goes through struggles. Hand on my heart, most days I consider myself incredibly blessed.
And so, in times of pain or difficulty, I do my best to ask myself what I can do, what I do have control over, because no matter the circumstances, I can decide how I react. And anyone who knows me well, knows that sometimes my reactions are downright ugly! Ha! However, after talking to some dear friends of mine today, I realized that the heaviest weight we can all carry about our circumstances is guilt. The kind that lurks in background and says:
‘I should know better!’ ‘I’ve done so much to help myself, what am I missing?’ ‘I am obviously doing something wrong to still be dealing with this!’ ‘I’m clearly not as spiritual as them if i am dealing with this.’
Believe it or not, I once had a so-called friend tell me that until I was free of my wheelchair and walking like everyone else, I would not be in my power! Needless to say, I was not the one who had forgotten her power and our friendship was never the same after that!
Anyway, I digress. Those questions are another form of victimhood and fear. So how ever much we’ve been taught to analyse ourselves, how much good do these lurking thoughts actually do us, other than to further beat ourselves up? None! How much energy could we save by turning our attention away from trying to figure things out and focusing on what nurtures us? A lot! And how much do we believe that we have to suffer to grow or to teach others? How much do we believe that we are so used to suffering that is just part of what we have to deal with? Perhaps far more than we realize…
So today I made the decision to let go. To let go again. Because I can. To interrupt the patterns that keep me bound in my experience and say ‘I exchange all pain for peace’.
Mother Mary and the Angels who so lovingly encircle themselves around me, reminded me of the power of those words and so I share them with you, too. And if you are still in pain, that’s OK. I will not proclaim to feel 100% great either. But I do feel more at peace with whatever is happening and that makes all the difference in the world because it gives me hope and that means anything is possible! Woohoo! I believe in miracles!
I love you and all your challenges. But I see beyond them. I see you. And I choose to see myself in the same light.
Your basket is currently empty.
Hugs back, dear Swati!!!
Anna, I so needed to read this! You are so right and it opened my eyes to the pain I am suffering with and have been, I now give it all to God so that I will have peace! Thank you for sharing this, God Bless!
Well done, Shelley. Blessings of peace and comfort to you!
Amen !!! <3
<3 Heather <3
Be strong, you are loved 🙂
Thank you! Yes, I am strong and very loved 🙂
((((((Anna)))))) Soooo sorry Honey that you were in so much pain, but sooooo happy for you that you are feeling better 🙂 I’m so proud of you for figuring it all out, which helps me, too, to figure it out. Yeah, let’s exchange pain for peace! You should create a t-shirt with that motto, ‘coz there is way too much pain out there and people need to read this. Even though it’s obvious, but for me it was “duh!” Anna says it so lovingly simple and it’s so very true, but I would never be able to put something like this in one beautiful sentence. But you are the Queen of Words and this is wonderful! 🙂
Still, about bl**dy time that the Prince shows up, whisks you off your feet, puts you onto a princess bed and kisses you stupid and makes you giggle. And when you feel sh*tty he brings you tea and fruit and chocolate and runs a hot bath for you and just hugs you and snuggles you and gives you some TLC 🙂 Love you! xox
It’s OK. I wasn’t in a lot of pain. Just didn’t feel too good!
You are so cute about the words. I’m sure I’m not the only one to say things like that. In fact, I know I’m not! But I’m glad you like them and they help you, too. And LOL about the Prince. You tell him! 😉 Lots of love xxx
Dear Anna, how I enjoyed reading this about pain. I dont your circumstances but it sounds if you are in a wheelchair. I am heading to be on a wheelchair for the rest of my life. I need knee replacements, the right one is worse. As I dont have a medical aid I am dependant on the State hospital and are no 346 on there emergency list for my right knee. It can take two years before they even phone me. I am on crutches and suffer a lot with pain. I have Osteo Arthritis in a bad degree. Already had a nerve block in my shoulder to block pinched nerves in my back. That was in 2009 and I was then told I need three fusions in my neck. At that stage I wore a neckbrace and lied on home traction. Thats when my children stepped in and took me to an old age home in frailcare. They helped to get tenants for my house so that I could have an income. They then disappeared, both got married and didnt even invite me. My eldest daughter lives far in Cape Town and didnt get involved. My sister and brother then stepped in when I didnt make it in that horrible Altzheimers place. They got accomodation for me in Pretoria. Long stories. Got more sick in that old age home also with stomach problems. I got myself a nice room in a guest house with all fassilities needed. But it was located high on a mountain and I had to climb 7 big steps down to my car. Two years ago as I hit the third step, my right knee just made a horrible crack sound and swolled up immediately. Ambulance took me to the hospital where I was told I need a knee replacement. No more cartridge and osteofites are growing out and press against the ligaments round my knee. From thereon the battle began. I am fighting it now for two years and as I said, its also now the left knee as well. My right shoulder also need an operation and pains constantly. I sold my house in Johannesburg, invested some money and bought a good automatic Mercedes. I now rent a lovely big batchelors flat and got everything I need and quality stuff. I am now on the lookout for permanent accomodation in a good retirement village with frailcare. Must do it before all the operations which I might not survive. No support or contact from my childten but my sister helps where she can and I made loving friends who also support me with good wishes and a cup of tea sometime. But my pain is terrible. I dont sleep anymore. Its worse if I lie down. Up to now I could look well after myself and dont have a maid to clean, cook or iron. I do it myself, even if I have to crall. Got peace in my heart and lots of love for myself, my friends and my God. Thats my story. Love to you!
Wow, what a journey you have been on Sarona. Thank you for sharing your pain honestly with me. Yes, I do use a wheelchair. Not all the time but I walk with crutches if not. So I do empathise with some of what you go through. I am sending you lots of love and praying for your comfort and for plenty of support for you in all ways. I believe in miracles! <3